really, you can call me JACK

New verse announcement!

2009-11-11T22:12:04Z

So, as basically everyone knows, Jack is involved with Duffy and is very much devoted to the younger man. But! Sadly, Duffy's player is taking a break from RP and I don't know when she'll be back. Unfortunately, I love a lot of Duffy's player's characters, so a lot of MY characters are intertwined with hers. Which means there may be quite a few new verses popping up for some of my characters soon.

And Jack gets to go first.

In this new verse, which will be called sovereignty!verse, Jack and Duffy started off giving each other their space and eventually decided to call it quits. It was an amicable enough split, but now Jack can't help but rethink all the decisions he made while with Duffy. He's trying to be himself, but, again, isn't sure who exactly that is. He feels lost and confused and often forgets silly things. It's almost as if the last six months didn't happen: even Dog ended up staying with Duffy.

So, basically, he's back where he started. Literally, since he's packing up and moving back to Seattle.

justjack_really @ 2009-10-05T10:13:00

2009-10-05T17:55:01Z

Spent yesterday developing a few rolls of film. I've missed working in darkrooms. If we end up staying here for long I might have to look into setting up one for myself, instead of just renting this place out by the hour.

Statue in Hawick on one of the few clear days.

Regular ol' bumblebee on some lupins; again, in Hawick.

Leaves were just beginning to turn in some spots when we left. This one was neat; stitched panoramic.

Duffy, on a bus.

At Balboa Park, in San Diego.

That's all for now.

(( All pictures from flickr and are linked to the original page. ))

justjack_really @ 2009-09-19T11:00:00

2009-09-19T18:00:42Z

Can't tell yet if therapy helped.

That time Jack made another bad decision.

2009-09-16T02:45:15Z

Jack fidgeted nervously just outside Dr. Crane's office door for a long minute. Was he really doing this? He had never done anything like this before, and -- and this was Dr. Crane. He was -- he just -- this didn't seem like a good idea. It really, really didn't.

But it also did. It made sense. Who the hell else could even begin to understand? At least here he could be honest about his powers and Harkness and. Okay. Okay. This was good.

He knocked.

justjack_really @ 2009-09-15T19:28:00

2009-09-16T02:42:20Z

Snippets of journalling, Day 1.

Packing today: came across boxes I hadn't even unpacked yet. One of which, of course, held my costume. I really wanted to look at it, I used to pull it out sometimes when I lived by myself but of course I can't now. And Duffy was in the room, going through his stuff, too. It just made me feel kind of trapped, especially since he's saying we should live together when we move to SD, too. I was thinking of getting my own place but I don't want to upset him, so I guess we're doing that.

Walking Dog, going around the neighborhood. I wish I could've stayed here longer, just enough to actually get to know people. There's a old man down the road who's house is really old, electrical fire just waiting to happen.

Dog's leash snapped as we were walking; not sure if he was chewing on it or if the ferrets were. I hate those ferrets, seriously.

Duffy wanted to have sex one last time in the House of Tiny, I really wasn't feeling it until I started to get really harsh with him. Which he likes, so it's not like he noticed, but I left more bruises than normal.

Sent Cricket and Duffy on their way first, saying I just wanted to have another walk around town. I didn't really walk, though, instead pulling the costume out and flying around. I haven't done any of this since I moved out here. Duffy says he's okay with my powers, but I always feel really self conscious about them, even during sex, even when he asks me to use them on him. I don't like that because before, anyone that knew about my powers really supported it and I didn't feel ashamed of them. now I feel ashamed of them because they are like a connection back to that.

got really upset when I got back to the house and Duffy had come back, I guess, to grab more boxes. he must've seen that I opened the one with my costume and that it was empty.

Had a fight with Duffy re: costume. Ended with sex.

[locked from Duffy]

2009-09-10T05:59:08Z

Did I make all wrong choices?

justjack_really @ 2009-09-02T15:13:00

2009-09-02T22:14:04Z

Maybe the strange is becoming normal.

Reunions~

2009-09-02T17:20:45Z

Jack chewed on the inside of his lip as he and Duffy walked down the street to the Starbucks they were meeting the other two at. This was -- this was strange, and probably a bad idea, but. It's not as if he didn't have as much dirt on Lela and Pankaj as they had on him. So it was safe, right? Not really. Kind of. Well, this part of Seattle was nice, anyway, and maybe afterward he and Duffy could walk around Green Lake.

"I used to live down thataway," Jack said, gesturing down a block. "Lore lived just across the street. Well, I guess she probably still does." He wasn't sure why Pankaj had suggested this area of Seattle -- maybe it was supposed to be a neutral zone? The other two sure as hell didn't know Jack used to live here, after all. Or, just as likely, Pankaj just thought this one had nice decor.

And there it was, on the corner. "Ready to have coffee with some of the scariest people in Seattle?" He rose his eyebrows at Duffy.

justjack_really @ 2009-08-21T13:00:00

2009-08-21T20:01:16Z

I want a cool healing superpower.

hey look it's seattle [rp with def_rock]

2009-08-16T04:11:58Z

Jack grinned, looking around the busy street. They had just floo'd through into the back room of a pub near Pike Place that Jack knew of, and now he and Duffy were -- well, they were in Seattle. Dog tugged on his leash, eying a nearby street performer hungrily, but Jack was more interested in Duffy's reaction to the city so far. Alright, they hadn't seen much, at all, but.

"So?"

justjack_really @ 2009-08-12T19:38:00

2009-08-13T02:39:19Z

M'boyfriend's a hotter chick than you.

justjack_really @ 2009-08-10T09:20:00

2009-08-10T17:06:42Z

How you feel about sex:

(I swear I'm not a creeper. You just can't look at this kid, though, and not grin, yeah?)

Is there any one of your friends that you would ever consider having sex with?

Duh?

but, hey, also?
He has a stupid face, but I'd still hit it.
hurr hurr

Best time of day for lovin:

Top three favorite kinks in bed:

Weirdest place you have had sex:

Favourite sex toy(s):

Favorite sexual position:

Favorite sex act:

Sexual act you will NOT do for any amount of love or money:

The hottest part of a man/woman is his/her...

Instant turnoff:

Celebrity jerkoff fantasy:

Sexiest food:

Best part about sex:

(hard to find an image that adequately portrays "sex noises")

justjack_really @ 2009-08-03T14:16:00

2009-08-03T21:16:32Z

Dear Scotland,

Please provide: job, apartment.

justjack_really @ 2009-07-31T08:47:00

2009-07-31T15:48:02Z

So long, Long Beach -- helloooo, Hawick!

(( First shot from here, second here and third here. But for RP purposes, Jack took them all. ))

(( link ))

justjack_really @ 2009-07-29T12:15:00

2009-07-29T19:15:45Z

Ughhh. Check out my new camera! (( link ))

justjack_really @ 2009-07-21T10:41:00

2009-07-21T17:41:53Z

Please repeat:

Flight is something that's really important to me, and being able to share it with Duffy has remarkably changed the way I view that passion. Incorporating him into everything important in my life has changed the way I look at things.
This was just a chance shot, but I still fucking love it. Oh birds. You crazy things.

Please never happen again:

One of my earliest memories is walking around downtown Seattle with my mom. She tripped over some uneven sidewalk, fell and broke her nose. Blood was everywhere, and as panicked as I was, I focused on the bloody money that fell out of her purse and into the red liquid. I was five or so and it was the first time I had seen my mom as someone less than a goddess. It was terrifying.

(( The first shot is from here and the second is from here. ))

justjack_really @ 2009-07-07T08:37:00

2009-07-07T15:37:48Z

How do you break the mold?

justjack_really @ 2009-07-02T19:50:00

2009-07-03T02:51:57Z

NoLongerStephen (11:44:29 PM): ..if you were here what would you do?

capes r4 losers (11:45:11 PM): I.. I don't know. whatever you needed . rub your back. make you tea. :D give you a blow job :DD

NoLongerStephen (11:45:30 PM): youre too good to me

capes r4 losers (11:45:38 PM): you're too easy to be good to

NoLongerStephen (11:46:32 PM): is that it? ...i just want you to hold me

capes r4 losers (11:46:53 PM): i would not argue with that

NoLongerStephen (11:47:32 PM): you wouldnt even have to do anything, i could just wrap myself around you

capes r4 losers (11:47:50 PM): yeah, like I could stop myself from 'doing anyhting' :/

NoLongerStephen (11:48:16 PM): keeep your hands to yourself, i was going for a PG rating

capes r4 losers (11:48:25 PM): I was thinking of jus thugging you back DD:

capes r4 losers (11:48:29 PM): just hugging XD

NoLongerStephen (11:48:41 PM): so much thugging, so little time

capes r4 losers (11:48:44 PM): ikr

NoLongerStephen (11:48:50 PM): we definitely just worked up to PG-13 fuck

capes r4 losers (11:48:56 PM): :/ sorry

NoLongerStephen (11:48:57 PM): and there goes R

NoLongerStephen (11:49:00 PM): we're done

capes r4 losers (11:49:09 PM): no you can say fuck four times in a pg13 movie I think

capes r4 losers (11:49:12 PM): we have two more

NoLongerStephen (11:49:46 PM): okay, phew

capes r4 losers (11:49:55 PM): I respect your wishes :D

NoLongerStephen (11:50:02 PM): bullshit

NoLongerStephen (11:50:04 PM): <3

capes r4 losers (11:50:05 PM): ikr :(

NoLongerStephen (11:50:21 PM): you stomp all over my wishes

NoLongerStephen (11:50:29 PM): its like, your hobby

capes r4 losers (11:50:49 PM): truuue

NoLongerStephen (11:54:04 PM): i took an audio clip of the song if, youre up for a lullaby

capes r4 losers (11:54:12 PM): oh, definitely

NoLongerStephen (11:54:22 PM): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCQRllzUz-o

capes r4 losers (11:55:58 PM): this is the one you wrote today, right?

NoLongerStephen (11:56:03 PM): yeah

capes r4 losers (11:57:23 PM): I'm really liking it

NoLongerStephen (11:57:54 PM): i think i sound weird when im high but XD thanks

capes r4 losers (12:01:19 AM): okay. I'm going to crash. please call me if yo ucan't sleep, okay?

capes r4 losers (12:01:20 AM): srsly

capes r4 losers (12:01:28 AM): if you want to, I mean

NoLongerStephen (12:01:48 AM): i.. ok, but as a warning i probably wont be able to

capes r4 losers (12:01:55 AM): so I get to talk to you :DD

NoLongerStephen (12:02:05 AM): youre pathetic <3

capes r4 losers (12:02:11 AM): i know :/

capes r4 losers (12:02:14 AM): I'll write you more haikus

NoLongerStephen (12:02:35 AM): okay ill call you in a few hours so. you can nap or something idk

capes r4 losers (12:02:39 AM): lol okay

capes r4 losers (12:02:42 AM): I love you, sweetie

NoLongerStephen (12:02:47 AM): i love you, jackie

capes r4 losers (12:03:04 AM): talk to you i na few hours, then

capes r4 losers (12:03:06 AM): bye, babe

NoLongerStephen (12:03:11 AM): gnight

justjack_really @ 2009-07-02T19:49:00

2009-07-03T02:50:30Z

NoLongerStephen (11:15:46 PM): yeah, but. i do think you should call off twin porn forreals

NoLongerStephen (11:15:54 PM): tucker is being so mopey lately

capes r4 losers (11:15:58 PM): awww

capes r4 losers (11:15:59 PM): yeah

capes r4 losers (11:16:01 PM): that's true

capes r4 losers (11:16:05 PM): we should've done it when we first thought of it

NoLongerStephen (11:16:22 PM): hey, i tried

NoLongerStephen (11:17:12 PM): he got all upset because i called him retarded but like, im sorry, who cant make a grilled cheese sandwich

capes r4 losers (11:18:17 PM): ohhhh tucker

NoLongerStephen (11:18:49 PM): also this crazy cop ive known for a lil while thought i was a chick so. that was interesting

capes r4 losers (11:18:56 PM): ..haaa

capes r4 losers (11:19:00 PM): how long have you known them for?

NoLongerStephen (11:19:02 PM): i didnt think i had gotten that much girlier

NoLongerStephen (11:19:07 PM): ummm a few months

capes r4 losers (11:19:10 PM): woah weird

capes r4 losers (11:19:28 PM): brb real quick, sweetie

NoLongerStephen (11:19:32 PM): kk

capes r4 losers (11:22:42 PM): alright, back

capes r4 losers (11:23:05 PM): although I think I'm heading to bed soon

NoLongerStephen (11:24:33 PM): thats probably a good idea

capes r4 losers (11:24:52 PM): ..heh.

capes r4 losers (11:25:08 PM): I can't wait until we can have these arguments face to face,then fall asleep at each other's place and have no worries about it

capes r4 losers (11:25:50 PM): seriously, I -- I'm hesitant to move, because it's a big change esp. when I look at our relationship from an outsider's pov. like, it's been three months and I'm moving to Scotland to be with you? but. it also feels really right and just what I want to do, so. Yeah.

capes r4 losers (11:25:56 PM): idk, just want to reassure you even more :3

NoLongerStephen (11:26:16 PM): aww <3

NoLongerStephen (11:26:48 PM): i.. yeah, couldn't have said it better :3

capes r4 losers (11:26:59 PM): cool

capes r4 losers (11:27:03 PM): I love you :D

NoLongerStephen (11:27:11 PM): i love you too, bb

NoLongerStephen (11:28:30 PM): oh, before you go to bed, just. letting you know i think im going to come on the plane instead of by floo this time

capes r4 losers (11:28:36 PM): oh

capes r4 losers (11:28:38 PM): yeah?

capes r4 losers (11:28:43 PM): won't that be..insanely long?

NoLongerStephen (11:28:54 PM): yeahhh it will be

capes r4 losers (11:29:04 PM): why're you going that route?

capes r4 losers (11:29:15 PM): you'll only be here for like a day and a half D:

NoLongerStephen (11:30:20 PM): no, i mean, i could probably stay a little longer idk

capes r4 losers (11:30:50 PM): yeah, yeah

NoLongerStephen (11:31:16 PM): um, no. it's probably stupid, maybe i will just go by floo idk

capes r4 losers (11:31:27 PM): no, I just -- I mean, it's obviously up to you

NoLongerStephen (11:31:31 PM): im just weird and paranoid right now

capes r4 losers (11:31:33 PM): why?

capes r4 losers (11:31:35 PM): what's up, honey?

NoLongerStephen (11:32:12 PM): idk give a parnoid kid some pot? its a problem

capes r4 losers (11:32:18 PM): lol

NoLongerStephen (11:32:41 PM): we dont need to get into a whole new.. thing right now anyway

capes r4 losers (11:32:44 PM): yeah, I gotta say, I think the fireplace thing is a better idea. I mean, you haven't had any troubles before, right? and it's WAY cheaper, ten times faster, ec

capes r4 losers (11:32:54 PM): it's up to you, sweetie

capes r4 losers (11:32:56 PM): if yo uneed to talk, we can

NoLongerStephen (11:33:09 PM): you just said you were going to bed soon

capes r4 losers (11:33:15 PM): I can stay up

capes r4 losers (11:33:17 PM): you > bed

NoLongerStephen (11:34:27 PM): it's no big i.. i dont even remember what i was going to say

capes r4 losers (11:34:54 PM): you sure, sweetie?

NoLongerStephen (11:36:15 PM): its nothing just those, weird dreams i was having earlier. it was probably just the rain

capes r4 losers (11:36:32 PM): what did you dream?

NoLongerStephen (11:37:06 PM): i.. dreamt about harkness, a little

NoLongerStephen (11:37:14 PM): i dont remember much

capes r4 losers (11:37:18 PM): oh. shit, babe. :/

capes r4 losers (11:40:11 PM): idk, I figure that's a prety good reason to be freaked out

capes r4 losers (11:40:11 PM): but

capes r4 losers (11:40:18 PM): still, I don't know. think about it, make whatever decision feels best t oyou

NoLongerStephen (11:40:36 PM): decision? what decision?

capes r4 losers (11:40:42 PM): about.. plane vs. floo?

capes r4 losers (11:40:42 PM): idk

NoLongerStephen (11:41:34 PM): oh right

NoLongerStephen (11:41:39 PM): i already forgot about that

capes r4 losers (11:41:41 PM): maaybe I lost the thread of the conversation. maybe I should go to bed.

capes r4 losers (11:41:44 PM): or maybe you're just really high

NoLongerStephen (11:41:56 PM): i think its like, yes

NoLongerStephen (11:42:08 PM): and not any one

capes r4 losers (11:42:14 PM): what?

NoLongerStephen (11:42:20 PM): wow that wasnt english

NoLongerStephen (11:42:23 PM): its all three

capes r4 losers (11:42:25 PM): XD

capes r4 losers (11:42:27 PM): oh

capes r4 losers (11:42:28 PM): okay

NoLongerStephen (11:42:42 PM): i just... am kind of afraid to go back to sleep

capes r4 losers (11:42:52 PM): I wish I was there

NoLongerStephen (11:43:02 PM): i know

justjack_really @ 2009-07-02T19:41:00

2009-07-03T02:42:41Z

NoLongerStephen (10:32:30 PM): ...i dont want anyone to know either, but. i was kind of a wreck and i think. justifiably so? correct me if im wrong here

capes r4 losers (10:32:42 PM): I know, we already talked about it

capes r4 losers (10:32:42 PM): but

capes r4 losers (10:32:45 PM): yeah

capes r4 losers (10:32:48 PM): whatever

NoLongerStephen (10:33:00 PM): i hate this

NoLongerStephen (10:33:12 PM): this entire thing is stupid and we're both being hostile and i hate it

capes r4 losers (10:33:37 PM): yeah. me too.

NoLongerStephen (10:34:13 PM): see, we're on the same page again

capes r4 losers (10:34:41 PM): heh

capes r4 losers (10:34:42 PM): that's nice

NoLongerStephen (10:35:07 PM): ...what?

capes r4 losers (10:35:15 PM): ..being on the same page

NoLongerStephen (10:35:21 PM): oh, yeah XD um, right

capes r4 losers (10:35:28 PM): lol.

NoLongerStephen (10:37:31 PM): so.. are we good now? and we can like, move on. and. things can be like they were?

capes r4 losers (10:37:44 PM): .. I don't know. Did we really reach any resolution

NoLongerStephen (10:37:54 PM): i forgot D:

capes r4 losers (10:37:57 PM): lol.

NoLongerStephen (10:38:15 PM): are you going to try to call me when shit gets bad?

capes r4 losers (10:39:03 PM): I just -- feel like we have different definitions of what level of badness needs calling

NoLongerStephen (10:39:17 PM): okay

NoLongerStephen (10:39:20 PM): whats yours then

capes r4 losers (10:39:36 PM): um, well. I felt like telling you about going out afterwards, I thought that was okay

capes r4 losers (10:39:50 PM): but you didn't

capes r4 losers (10:40:01 PM): would you have rather I called you the moment I thought of the idea?

NoLongerStephen (10:40:12 PM): well i thought we had agreed you would tell me when you had urges?

capes r4 losers (10:40:41 PM): I thought they were urges to kill

NoLongerStephen (10:41:38 PM): you just said you wanted to kill them. i know you didnt, i. i dont want to be some like, really annoying naggy girlfriend okay. lets just, forget we had this agreement, and let me just ask you what you think is fair?

capes r4 losers (10:41:55 PM): but I didn't know I'd want to kill him until I saw him!

capes r4 losers (10:42:00 PM): It's not like I Could call you right then

capes r4 losers (10:42:16 PM): it just -- I don't know what I think would be fair. htere's no set rule. at least not one I can think of

NoLongerStephen (10:42:46 PM): so.. i

NoLongerStephen (10:42:48 PM): okay

capes r4 losers (10:43:01 PM): what do you want me to do?

capes r4 losers (10:43:09 PM): do you have a set rule type thing in mind?

NoLongerStephen (10:43:27 PM): i dont want to give you RULES i. youre right

NoLongerStephen (10:43:35 PM): i trust you and i should act like it

capes r4 losers (10:43:40 PM): guideline, idk, I can't think of a different/beter word

NoLongerStephen (10:44:30 PM): no, im going to trust you to do the right thing.

capes r4 losers (10:44:45 PM): are you sure that's good with you?

NoLongerStephen (10:45:03 PM): yeah

NoLongerStephen (10:46:00 PM): as long as you continue to be truthful with me, i have no reason not to trust you, so.

capes r4 losers (10:46:12 PM): okay

NoLongerStephen (10:46:28 PM): i love you, jack

capes r4 losers (10:46:51 PM): I love you so much

NoLongerStephen (10:47:22 PM): i know

NoLongerStephen (10:49:39 PM): i dont know what we just agreed on but it was good right?

capes r4 losers (10:49:47 PM): hah.

capes r4 losers (10:49:48 PM): I think so.

NoLongerStephen (10:50:00 PM): okayyy

NoLongerStephen (10:52:15 PM): im tired but i dont want to go back to bed, ive been sleeping all day

capes r4 losers (10:52:34 PM): you could tell me a story

NoLongerStephen (10:52:49 PM): yeah? um, okay

NoLongerStephen (10:55:52 PM): fuck, okay i keep psyching myself out - there was once this girl who. was trapped inside a vase

NoLongerStephen (10:56:13 PM): which would make her, about 3 centimeters tall, roughly

NoLongerStephen (10:56:51 PM): and every day this man would pass her, tell himself he was seeing things, and keep walking

capes r4 losers (10:57:06 PM): was the vase see through?

NoLongerStephen (10:57:14 PM): oh, um, yeah

capes r4 losers (10:57:18 PM): okay :D

NoLongerStephen (10:57:45 PM): good question, so. every day the girl would do a little more to try and get his attention

NoLongerStephen (10:58:16 PM): she would shout or, dress up, or sing him songs.. anything to try to get him to help because there was never anyone else around

NoLongerStephen (10:59:04 PM): until one day she got so fed up she just. sat there. didnt even register him as he passed

capes r4 losers (10:59:09 PM): :(

NoLongerStephen (10:59:36 PM): and even though he knew it was a hallucination, the man felt pretty bad, seeing her pretty little face all upset

NoLongerStephen (10:59:43 PM): so he asked her what was wrong

NoLongerStephen (11:00:03 PM): but she didnt answer him, so he started shouting

NoLongerStephen (11:00:13 PM): she turned up her nose and refused to look at him

NoLongerStephen (11:00:52 PM): he took off his coat and pressed his face in close to the vase, and thought, what if im not crazy? what if that really is a tiny person ive been ignoring all this time

NoLongerStephen (11:02:10 PM): and his horror was so complete that he turned the vase over so she could escape. she looked confused, and wrinkled her nose, but after a few seconds she climbed out only to find the man had kept walking again

capes r4 losers (11:02:39 PM): whatttt

capes r4 losers (11:02:40 PM): he is weird

NoLongerStephen (11:03:05 PM): and the next day when he walked by he was pleased to see the vase was empty... until he saw her still sitting on the table and looking very upset

NoLongerStephen (11:03:25 PM): why havent you left? he asked. and she said, frustrated, i'm too tiny to get down

NoLongerStephen (11:04:49 PM): the man felt very foolish, and laid his hand on the table to let her up. 'Where will you go?' he asked, but she didn't answer, focused on clambering up. she wanted to say, it wasnt as if he had cared before, but she took pity on him, for he was very odd.

NoLongerStephen (11:05:06 PM): and when he lifted her up close to his face, she gave him a tiny kiss on the cheek

NoLongerStephen (11:05:32 PM): and then something very peculiar happened

NoLongerStephen (11:05:40 PM): the man began to shrink

NoLongerStephen (11:06:00 PM): and shrink and shrink he did until he was only 4 centimeters tall, roughly

capes r4 losers (11:06:39 PM): :D

NoLongerStephen (11:06:46 PM): ..er, and they lived happily ever after

capes r4 losers (11:06:53 PM): XD

capes r4 losers (11:06:58 PM): your stories are way better than mine

NoLongerStephen (11:07:12 PM): you can blame the hash?

capes r4 losers (11:07:15 PM): alright

capes r4 losers (11:07:18 PM): or I'll thank it, either one

NoLongerStephen (11:07:41 PM): that works too

NoLongerStephen (11:08:19 PM): i know i just said this but i love you

NoLongerStephen (11:08:29 PM): i kind of hate that this week is moving so slowly

capes r4 losers (11:08:40 PM): shit, me too

NoLongerStephen (11:09:42 PM): and i miss long beach! and the dolphins so. it'll be nice

capes r4 losers (11:09:53 PM): and me

capes r4 losers (11:09:54 PM): D:

capes r4 losers (11:09:58 PM): you miss me D:

NoLongerStephen (11:10:08 PM): ummmm i miss Dog?

capes r4 losers (11:10:10 PM): yeah, no. it's such a great city. we'll have to come back and visit

capes r4 losers (11:10:11 PM): :/

NoLongerStephen (11:10:26 PM): ...and you, i guess

capes r4 losers (11:11:41 PM): alright, cool

NoLongerStephen (11:12:12 PM): buuuut mostly chaz. can we go see chaz?

capes r4 losers (11:12:15 PM): XD

capes r4 losers (11:12:16 PM): yes

capes r4 losers (11:12:26 PM): if oyu really want, I can call and see if he's working this weekend and shit

capes r4 losers (11:12:29 PM): so we can go when he's there

NoLongerStephen (11:12:39 PM): that would be fabulous

NoLongerStephen (11:13:00 PM): maybe ask him when taylor's working too so we can avoid her :/

capes r4 losers (11:13:07 PM): lol

capes r4 losers (11:13:12 PM): yeah, I'll see what I can do, sweetheart

NoLongerStephen (11:13:33 PM): ....haaa you know im kidding right o.o

capes r4 losers (11:13:45 PM): ...

capes r4 losers (11:13:51 PM): I already texted Chaz, asking him about a threesome

capes r4 losers (11:13:52 PM): :/

NoLongerStephen (11:14:02 PM): oh, okay, i take it back sooo not kidding

capes r4 losers (11:14:07 PM): phew

NoLongerStephen (11:14:23 PM): that would have been embarrassing D: sry

capes r4 losers (11:15:12 PM): no kidding :(

justjack_really @ 2009-07-02T19:28:00

2009-07-03T02:30:39Z

NoLongerStephen (6:45:47 PM): hey bb

capes r4 losers (6:45:55 PM): hey hon

capes r4 losers (6:45:57 PM): what's up?

NoLongerStephen (6:46:17 PM): not a whole fuck of a lot, it's been raining all day

capes r4 losers (7:04:43 PM): gross :(

NoLongerStephen (7:04:59 PM): yeah, my power went out so that sucked

capes r4 losers (7:05:17 PM): aww honey D:

capes r4 losers (7:05:19 PM): is it back on?

capes r4 losers (7:05:21 PM): I can come fix it :D

NoLongerStephen (7:05:49 PM): yeah, it came back on a few hours ago - thanks though

capes r4 losers (7:05:53 PM): oh, alright

capes r4 losers (7:05:54 PM): sweet

NoLongerStephen (7:06:08 PM): yeah, i managed to write a song with all that downtime

capes r4 losers (7:06:18 PM): Ahh very good, then :D

capes r4 losers (7:06:19 PM): is it an awesome song

capes r4 losers (7:06:22 PM): can I hear it this weekend?

NoLongerStephen (7:06:35 PM): no, it sucks.. lol i guess i can play it for you

capes r4 losers (7:06:43 PM): yess

capes r4 losers (7:06:46 PM): good

NoLongerStephen (7:10:50 PM): what are you doin?

capes r4 losers (7:10:56 PM): absolutely nothing

capes r4 losers (7:11:02 PM): I should clean my p,ace

capes r4 losers (7:11:04 PM): but I'm really lazy

capes r4 losers (7:11:07 PM): place, not p,ace

NoLongerStephen (7:11:15 PM): i got it yo

NoLongerStephen (7:11:28 PM): i cleaned like crazy yesterday so i could just sleep and write all day

capes r4 losers (7:11:32 PM): nice

capes r4 losers (7:11:35 PM): way to plan

NoLongerStephen (7:11:54 PM): well its not like i planned for it to raaaiin, i would have done productive things

NoLongerStephen (7:12:02 PM): like grocery shopping or. something XD

capes r4 losers (7:12:06 PM): nahhhh you were productive yesterday

capes r4 losers (7:12:08 PM): don't wea ryourself out

NoLongerStephen (7:12:41 PM): i would have probably asked if Esme needed help

NoLongerStephen (7:12:46 PM): but i doubt she even was open today

NoLongerStephen (7:12:50 PM): it was baad

capes r4 losers (7:12:55 PM): jeeeez

NoLongerStephen (7:13:43 PM): and i kept having really weird dreams

NoLongerStephen (7:13:48 PM): that was some bullshit

capes r4 losers (7:13:56 PM): D: like what

NoLongerStephen (7:14:33 PM): oh idek i dont really remember them

NoLongerStephen (9:47:13 PM): jack?

capes r4 losers (9:47:19 PM): yeah, sweetie?

NoLongerStephen (9:47:27 PM): can i ask you something

capes r4 losers (9:47:34 PM): course

NoLongerStephen (9:48:01 PM): you do.. actually want to stop, right? hurting people, and. yeah?

capes r4 losers (9:48:18 PM): I -- yes, I do.

capes r4 losers (9:48:25 PM): It -- yeah, that's. A touch question, but yes.

NoLongerStephen (9:49:22 PM): yeah? i.. im not expecting it to be easy. i mean, i know i cant really understand but im trying! and. as long as that's what you want, i want to help you

capes r4 losers (9:49:28 PM): I know

capes r4 losers (9:49:42 PM): but, honestly, it -- it's what I have to do to be with you, so.

capes r4 losers (9:49:50 PM): It's not really a question if I want to keep doing that, it's a question if I want to be with you

capes r4 losers (9:49:52 PM): which is definitely yes

capes r4 losers (9:49:52 PM): so

NoLongerStephen (9:52:54 PM): so. if- that's.

NoLongerStephen (9:53:07 PM): you need to tell me, like you said you would

capes r4 losers (9:53:13 PM): I did. I am.

NoLongerStephen (9:53:28 PM): you didn't tell me you went out until after :/

capes r4 losers (9:53:51 PM): well, it. I -- didn't think that was a bad thing.

capes r4 losers (9:53:55 PM): It was kind of a spr of the moment decision

NoLongerStephen (9:54:15 PM): which -- makes it less dangerous? no

capes r4 losers (9:54:30 PM): I know, that's not what I meant

NoLongerStephen (9:54:41 PM): okay, what did you mean?

capes r4 losers (9:54:45 PM): I don' tknow

capes r4 losers (9:55:03 PM): I ..guess I didn't really think that I was supposed to tell yo ubefore

capes r4 losers (9:55:18 PM): I've gone out flying and not told you, beucase it's just that, flying. this was just. As Harkness, that's what the different was.

NoLongerStephen (9:55:54 PM): but you hurt someone so. thats not just flying

capes r4 losers (9:56:00 PM): but I didn't plan on that

capes r4 losers (9:56:03 PM): and -- it was a bad guy!

NoLongerStephen (9:56:15 PM): so that doesnt make you responsible? idk jack

capes r4 losers (9:56:23 PM): but I told you afterwards

nolongerstephen is offline (6:30:52 PM)

Your IM will be delivered when the buddy goes online.

NoLongerStephen (9:56:36 PM): i know, and im glad you did but.

NoLongerStephen (9:56:47 PM): i thought we had this whole discussion before we got back together

NoLongerStephen (9:57:00 PM): you would tell me when ..you wanted to, and.

NoLongerStephen (9:57:09 PM): we could do something about it

capes r4 losers (9:57:26 PM): but, this -- are you angry that I went out without telling you?

NoLongerStephen (9:57:40 PM): kind of!

capes r4 losers (9:58:00 PM): Why didn't you tell me that before?

NoLongerStephen (9:58:27 PM): because i.. i needed time for it to sink in

capes r4 losers (9:59:27 PM): I guess it was just a selfish decision on my part

NoLongerStephen (9:59:49 PM): i just. i want to be able to trust you

capes r4 losers (10:00:10 PM): I didn't even think of this as something going against our agreement

capes r4 losers (10:01:04 PM): because, it. I don't know, it wasn't about me going out and hurting people, it was just about me being me and feeling good about that. And I didn't -- I was being smart and not going to the areas where I had gone before for that sort of shit

NoLongerStephen (10:02:18 PM): but.

NoLongerStephen (10:02:27 PM): you did hurt someone

capes r4 losers (10:02:39 PM): but -- it was because he was -- Ithought that would be okay!

capes r4 losers (10:02:42 PM): I didn't kill him!

capes r4 losers (10:02:46 PM): He was trying to rape tha tgirl!

capes r4 losers (10:02:55 PM): do you -- you do'nt think I'm lying about that, do you?

NoLongerStephen (10:03:14 PM): ..wait. so. --no! i dont think youre lying, what

capes r4 losers (10:03:36 PM): I do'nt know, I'm -- being paranoid, okay. sorry.

capes r4 losers (10:03:37 PM): go on

NoLongerStephen (10:04:02 PM): but. did you hurt him because he was hurting her? or did you hurt him because you knew i wouldnt be mad if you were technically helping someone

capes r4 losers (10:04:23 PM): I -- okay, I didn't even think about you when I was out there, not like that

capes r4 losers (10:04:28 PM): it wasn't that manipulative or anythin

capes r4 losers (10:04:29 PM): g

capes r4 losers (10:05:00 PM): It was -- okay, I thought it'd be -- I was just out there, and then I saw that, and I -- okay, sure, I wnated to kill him. Actually, I wanted to kill them both, but instead I just hurt him, I held myself back, I did the right thing!

capes r4 losers (10:05:10 PM): I just -- I don't get it, I do'nt know

NoLongerStephen (10:05:18 PM): i dont get it either, jack

NoLongerStephen (10:05:42 PM): ...you wanted to kill her? the girl?

capes r4 losers (10:05:54 PM): -- yeah, I did, but I didn't! And I knew it was the worng, stupid thing to think, so.

NoLongerStephen (10:06:03 PM): okay

NoLongerStephen (10:06:29 PM): okay, that's good

NoLongerStephen (10:07:26 PM): i guess i just thought we were on the same page with this

capes r4 losers (10:07:40 PM): I ...guess I thought we were too, but I guess we aren't?

NoLongerStephen (10:08:00 PM): do you think its fair to tell me before, or?

capes r4 losers (10:08:31 PM): I... don't know. I mean, yo uwant me to tell you before I feel the urge to go out and kill

capes r4 losers (10:08:34 PM): because that isn't how it works

capes r4 losers (10:08:39 PM): I mean, okay sometimes

capes r4 losers (10:08:40 PM): but

capes r4 losers (10:08:41 PM): I odn't know

capes r4 losers (10:08:44 PM): there's no clear cut rule

NoLongerStephen (10:10:38 PM): then...how do i help you?

capes r4 losers (10:11:11 PM): By -- by being alive! I mean, that's enough. that's why I hvaen't done anything. Ithink about it and then I think of you and I can't even consider it anymore.

capes r4 losers (10:11:16 PM): I don't know

capes r4 losers (10:11:18 PM): I just don't fuckin gknow

NoLongerStephen (10:11:41 PM): but you just said you didnt even think of me, didnt even think to call, or--

capes r4 losers (10:11:48 PM): no, it -- it wasn't that

NoLongerStephen (10:11:49 PM): idk jack, that makes me feel.. kind of shitty, ok

justjack_really @ 2009-07-01T17:59:00

2009-07-02T01:00:13Z

Seriously. Just -- I'm not fucking Sunflower.

~~I hate goddamn fanfiction.~~

repurcussions

2009-06-30T16:08:30Z

Jack went out that night.

Of course, it wasn't that simple, but everything equals out to the same in the end.

He started out in his bedroom, lying on his bed and trying to read. It wasn't his fault that the bed faced the closet (okay, in a way it was, he set the room up after all, but not with this in mind) and he couldn't keep his eyes on the page. He kept on looking up, his gaze flickering to the closed wooden doors. It was still back there, of course; Jack hadn't even considered throwing it out, even if he hadn't planned on using it ever again. The costume was still there, behind his shirts and sweaters and jeans and khakis. Harkness waited.

He finally set down his book, marking the page with a folded corner, and moved to sit on the edge of the bed, giving in to his urge to just stare at the closet for a while. He lasted five minutes before he opened the doors, then managed to content himself for a while with just the glimpse of the dark blue material. Jack's mind was racing, his thoughts unsure. He didn't know what he wanted, and that was the root of the problem. He was letting himself be defined by others, he wasn't giving his own desires enough weight. But how could he figure out what he wanted, with such strong forces on either side, pushing and pulling?

Jack stood up and pushed the hangers to the side, looking at the costume. He reached out a hand, taking the mask off the hook reverently and running his fingers over familiar seaming. He knew what he had to do; he had to put it on. Was there ever really a question? Jack was stubborn and stupid and malleable, he knew all that. The idea had been planted into his mind when he realized he really hadn't gone out all June. He hadn't gone out in over a month, hadn't killed, hadn't seen that rush of blood and realization of death, he --

He dropped the mask on the floor, turning away for the briefest of moments before grimacing, regretting, and bending down to pick it up, dust it off.

Five minutes later, Harkness was suited up, looking into the mirror behind a sheath of blue. He was already breathing heavily, raising his chin with pride as he looked at the costume, finally being used for its real purpose again.

Harkness went out that night.

He flew over the streets of Long Beach, swooping and grinning behind the mask, electricity already dancing its way up his arms. This was what he was for, not what he lived for, not even what he was made for, but just what he was. Harkness took to the skies and couldn't stop laughing.

He felt a little out of breath by the time he made it to Los Angeles. He hadn't even been planning to go all the way to LA, but it was a better place for any sort of mask, after all, since Long Beach was too small, too suburban, too cute. Harkness was a little embarrassed by his quiet panting as he rested atop a sky scraper; eight weeks ago, that flight would have been completely average, but now he was already feeling the burn.

Harkness paused in the lower east district, looking down an alley fifty, seventy feet below him. A man was starting to rape a young woman, easily half his age, perhaps a college student. She was shouting and kicking, but he was strong. She knocked him enough that his baseball cap went flying to the ground, and the smack that she received in turn resonated throughout the area.

Harkness paused and thought, a smudge of dark blue against the smoggy sky.

The Rabid Ransom would want him to kill both, or at least her. She was weak, irritating, an embarrassing display of humanity. Duffy wouldn't want him to kill either. He wanted to kill, but he wasn't sure who. Both? Both, both would be perfect, both would be --

Harkness clenched his jaw and looked away. He could just go. He could go back home, maybe fly for a few more hours, avoid the docks, avoid downtown, avoid the areas he knew would --

Jack hated himself. Harkness hated this. He needed decisions, he needed to be, he needed Harkness, he needed Duffy; there were no easy answers. This wasn't an addiction: it was him. Jack didn't let himself look as he let a bolt of red lightning strike down the alley, although he knew where it was going to hit, he knew how strong it was going to be, and he knew he'd throw another if he had to.

The man cried out as the electricity wrapped around him; he was thrown to the ground, twitching and bleeding already, something within him rupturing. The girl screamed and ran, grateful and too blind to be curious.

Harkness pulled back the electricity, comforting and cleaning it; the man would live, if he was found. And he'd be found, since he wasn't smart enough to pull the girl away in a darker area of the city. Harkness watched him for a few minutes, but Jack had to look away. He couldn't make anyone happy. He'd always lose someone, and he didn't know who to keep.

Harkness went home that night.

[locked to self]

2009-06-30T03:31:00Z

Fuck.

Fuck, I don't even know.

What is going on in this stupid fucked up world, I was doing fine and then Mackenzie has to show up and fuck everything over. I can't even begin to figure out what I want -- no, I know what I want, but it isn't feasible and I also know it's the worst idea ever, and it could never work out, and anyway it's wrong, and I'm done with that.

I'm so not done with that. I mean, I'm not done with wanting it, but I'm done with it. I have to be done with it. Duffy said he wouldn't be with me at all if I go back to that, but -- it -- is it really fair for him to just ask me to quit, as if this is knitting, just a hobby, I can just say no more? and be done with it? Fuck that, I want to go out there almost everyday and, yes, I told him I'd let him know when I felt the urges, and I haven't been, but it happens so much, he'd be disgusted with me, but he'll be disgusted anyway if I give in and go out there and

And then of course fucking Dr. Jonathan Crane shows up, are you serious? Okay, at least it wasn't the Joker, but -- Crane made so many good points, I can't just let other people define my purpose for me, I have to figure out who I am by myself, and then - okay idk if I'll kill the person who doesn't define me any longer, like he suggested, esp. if I choose Duffy, because I can't give up killing and then kill Mackenzie, but fuck, it isn't like I want to kill Duffy at all, I just want to be able to be myself, like I was. Like I was for the first few weeks when I met Duffy, when I was falling in love with him but still going out and being myself, finding myself, it was great. Best time of my life, and now, what, eight weeks later, I'm completely screwed.

Mackenzie's right, really, he's right that I'm wasting my power just sitting around, powering my fridge, and it's shit. I want to go out there so badly, I want to be who I was when I was at the top of my game, learning and using and flexing my power and -- he's right, this is worse, this is

Fuck, no, I can't think like that. I have to give up things in order to be with Duffy. That's right: I was a bad person. A really bad person. And Mackenzie still is, and Crane still is, they're willfull murders, lucky fucking bastards, and -- FUCK, no. God, I've already smoked a pack and a half today, wtf, it usually takes me two or three days to go through one.

I'm giving up SO much for Duffy, though. Gave up Harkness, giving up Long Beach. I don't want to move to Scotland, and I know that, but how can I not? Duffy makes really bad decisions when I'm not there, he talks about how he needs me there, about only when i'm there does he sleep, and how can I leave him alone when he needs me? But, fuck it, I love Long Beach and I love CSULB and I like it here. Plus, it -- there's always the possibility of going out, not that I've done it, but.

I've only known the guy for three months or so. I've known Mackenzie since I was seventeen. He taught me everything, trained and guided me, he was fucking -- GENTLE almost, well as gentle as the Rabid Ransom can be, of course, but it meant something to me and I know it meant something to him, and now I'm shoving all that out the window for a nice ass? Okay, a great ass and a beautiful person who I can't kid myself, I'm madly in love with, but.

I ca'nt do this, I don't know what I can do, or what I want to do. No, I know what I want: I want to be able to be Harkness with Mackenzie and Jack with Duffy. I want both, I want my fucking pie and I want to shoot it, too. The two most important people in my fucking life, and I have to choose one over the other.

I think I'm going to go get drunk. Yay maturity.

[locked from takesyou_there]

2009-06-29T20:34:49Z

Fuck --

I just -- don't even know.

SHIT.